Aug. 31, 2018
Anne sent this in response to the stingbush:
"If you and I went to Texas and saw one:
Bob: (in parched voice) At last, a flower on this barren Mars desert! I have to get a NatGeo photo!
Anne: Oooohh, look! Flowers! Yellow flowers! And they aren't boring yellow daisies!
Bob: (Searching for mud to wallow in for spectacular close-up) Wait, there's no mud! How can I take a picture with no mud to lie in?
Anne: I'm gonna pick one so I can smell it.
Bob: Oh well, I'll just have to squat down. (and proceeds to do so, knees cracking)
Anne: Look, Yellow fireworks like the Fourth of July! I'm gonna go pick 3!
Bob: Oof! (as he lands on his butt) Ok, this is more stable anyway. (Hums photographer's mantra "My body is my tripod") Anne, wait! No! Don't make them move! Stop! Wait'll I focus! Get out of my light! Stop blowing on them! (sigh) Go over there and pretend you are a tree! Now!
Anne: I am a tree. My roots are deep. Searching for the least hint of moisture.
Bob: (scootches around searching for best angle) I wonder what plant this is! I never saw this kind in Michigan. (messes with camera)
Anne: I'm tired of being a tree! I can't grow here! I think I'm wilting (arms fall to sides, legs tilt)
Bob: (messes with camera, moves 2 inches to left, messes more, etc.)
Anne: I think I'm desiccating!
Bob: (messing and focusing and scootching) Perfect angle! (Click) Oops (removes lens cap)
Anne: (spends 10 minutes acting out a moving, award-winning death scene of lone tree)
Bob: Trees don't grunt when they die, Anne.
Anne: This one does. Grunt grunt.
Bob: At last, the perfect photo, worthy of my collection of other flowers! Now to find out what it is. (Starts searching in huge trailer of reference books.)
Anne: (Finally dies with a final deathgrunt as Bob enters his van) I'm gonna go pick some pretty yellow fireworks!
Anne: These stupid leaves are in the way. (starts brushing them away) Ow!
Bob: Anne, don't touch those! They are nettles!
Anne: OW OW OW
Bob: They'll sting you!
Anne: OW OW OW OW OWOWOWOW!
Bob: Tha's a stingbush!
Anne: string of beeped words That really hurts! This is an awful place!
Bob: Tra la la la I found it! (checks off life list) Phew!
Anne: Can we go home now?"
With apologies to Big Bend, I was delighted. And Barb thinks Anne's a kindred spirit. Here's a picture of them as trees, after a trip with me (in spirit only).